As we are coming close to the end of the year, it is a good opportunity to reflect on how you have been feeling in your relationship.
How have you expressed to your partner that they’re special?
How have you said to them that they matter?
Have you spent enough quality time with them or have you been too tired to connect at the end of a long day?
Are you touching your phone or your partner last thing at night before you go to sleep?
Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, proposes that we all have a dominant Love Language, the one that we use most often to express love and also the one by which we feel the most loved. There isn’t one Love Language that is better than the other, they are different.
Whilst we may have a dominant Love Language, I believe it is a good idea to practice all the Love Languages so that you can take your relationship on different levels. Each Love Language offer a specific dimension to relationships.
This Christmas, I challenge you to become more fluent with the Five Love Languages:
Words of Affirmations:Tell your partner that they’re special to you with kind and loving words. But you might also want to tell them that you desire them sexually. Be mindful of your words: ‘you look nice in this dress’ is different from ‘you look sexy in this dress’. One word can make a big difference and help you maintain your erotic space.
Physical Touch: this is another way to show your love to your partner. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Holding a hand, a hug, a kiss can help greatly with your romantic relationship as well as your erotic connection.
Act of Service: this one is about expressing your love through actions. Why don’t you help with decorating the Christmas tree this year? Or perhaps you can be the one wrapping all the presents? Think about making a cup of tea for your partner whilst they’re still in bed. These acts of service can warm up the space between the two of you for enhanced love and sexual attraction.
Quality Time: In a time when we are always so busy going shopping or going to parties, it is precious to find time to stop and just be together, without necessarily doing anything specific. You can take a walk together. Or you can have quality time taking a bath together or just lying in bed together, talking. The important part of quality time is to learn to protect time to stay away from your devices. Showing up properly to your partner can be a potent ingredient for sexual desire and romantic love.
Gift Giving: This love language is pertinent at Christmas time. All too often, we buy presents out of the pressure of Christmas, and we don’t give ourselves enough time to think about what we buy. A gift that is meaningful doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but it has to be a thoughtful one, a gift that says: ‘I’ve thought about you a lot and I thought you would really like this’. Perhaps, this year, you might want to think about a gift that is not to be opened in front of the whole family. As a private gift, how about buying a sex toy? It can be a great way to communicate: ‘I want you’, ‘I desire you’, ‘our sex life is important to me’, and also ‘I love you’.
A flourishing couple is one in which the two people show up in their relationship with full magnificence. Maintaining the romantic space and the erotic space doesn’t happen on its own: it takes attention, effort, willingness, energy and thoughtfulness. The holiday season is a good one to think more deeply about all the ingredients that make your relationship vibrant. Instead of big occasional gestures, how about daily small ones? Become fluent with the Five Love Languages this Christmas and take it forward with you into 2019 for a truly new year.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Silva Neves
