This year, a worrying increase in numbers of
young women, as young as 16, reported to go through vaginal plastic surgery to
make their vaginas look ‘better’. It seems that many young women think their
vagina doesn’t look right.
Surgeons performing such interventions say that
it is helping these young women have better ‘self-esteem’, which I think is incorrect.
Surgery only promotes the ‘perfect-looking
vagina’ epidemic that seems to be spreading. As a psychosexual psychotherapist,
I know that if we don't address the underlying issues that bring the distress
around the look of vaginas, the surgery won't make that person have a better
self-esteem.
The vagina is a complex structure with many
important tissues. It can be traumatic to have unnecessary surgery in that
area: it can in fact contribute to psychosexual problems. Having an operation
before the age of 18 is not recommended because the body hasn't completely
developed by then.
But, most of all, why go through that pain? Vaginal
operations are only recommended if there is a genetic anomaly that makes sex
very painful. If it is just cosmetic, it is not recommended.
If you have distressing thoughts about your
vagina, here are some tips:
1- Look at other vaginas in the right places:
not erotic images nor pornography. Look at anatomically, everyday, real
pictures: you will see that all vaginas look very different and they are all
normal and beautiful in their own way. There isn’t the ‘right’ amount of hair,
or just the ‘right’ colour. Vaginas come in all sizes, shapes, hair and colours,
etc.
2- Get to know your vagina: with a small mirror,
look at your vagina: touch it gently, looking with curiosity. After looking at
other pictures, you will see that yours is just as normal and beautiful as
others.
3- Protect your vagina: if a boyfriend tells you
that your vagina isn't hairless enough, or pretty enough, it is the equivalent
of bullying: protect it and defend it. It may be that your boyfriend needs to
educate himself about what vaginas actually look like.
4- Give a voice to your vagina: it may sound
strange but it is a powerful exercise. If your vagina could speak, what would
it say? As mentioned above, your vagina is a complex structure: it has much to
say, and it might have a lot to say to respond to you not liking the look of
it.
I see many women in my consulting room who have
no relationship or a hate-relationship with their vaginas. This simple process
of getting to know it, spending time with it, meeting it, protecting it, giving
it a voice is a meaningful way to learn to love your vagina. In my experience
it is the easiest, less invasive, less painful way to address permanently the
issues of self-esteem, and feeling better about yourself.
There isn't just one way that your vagina
‘should’ look like. It is an important, tender, beautiful part of you, so,
please, love your vagina.
