The 50 Flavours of Vanilla Sex
As a psychosexual and
relationship therapist, I talk about sex with my clients a lot.
What I observe often is
that, although there is so much information about sex available, people are still
quite confused about it, what it means to them, and how to make it work for
them.
It seems that sex, like
most things, goes with what is fashionable and mainstream at the time.
In our current time,
the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon highlighted sexual practice termed as ‘kinky’
or ‘BDSM’ (Bondage, Discipline, Sadomasochism, Masochism). The novel became a
worldwide success, and a film followed. Of course, this is good for people who
practice kinky sex as an integral part of the expression of their sexuality, because
it became normalised. When something is normalised, there is less prejudice
attached to it.
Kinky sex is now in the
mainstream and ‘fashionable’. What seems to happen is that other types of sex
becomes less fashionable.
What I often hear, when
my clients talk about the type of sex they have, some say:
‘I only do vanilla sex’
‘Nothing much, just vanilla’
Sometimes, clients will
even put a judgement on it straight away:
‘Oh, I’m boring, I only do vanilla’
So, this makes me wonder,
what happened to Vanilla Sex? Is it now being seen as boring, limiting,
old-fashioned, undesirable?
What is Vanilla Sex?
It is exactly what you
want it to be!
Vanilla Sex doesn’t
mean that you have to be doing the same missionary position with the lights off
for the rest of your life.
Vanilla is actually an
exotic spice. It has been known in the past as ‘The Nectar of the Gods’, and
some people believe that it is an aphrodisiac! Vanilla Sex can live up to this
reputation. Vanilla Sex can be varied, sexy and hot.
Vanilla Sex means creativity
and diversity.
One day, you can have sex
fully naked with your partner in the bedroom, with romantic scented candles,
looking into each other’s eyes, feeling intimate. Some people call this sexual
practice ‘making love’.
And another day, you
can have a ‘quickie’ on the kitchen table with most of your clothes on.
You can choose to have
sex with sexy lingeries. Or you can have sex
just wearing stilettoes, or trainers.
You can choose to wear
sports gear to spice up your sex life in a true Vanilla sense. Or you may want to have
a role play once in a while, such as boss/secretary, etc.
You can talk dirty
whilst having sex. You can incorporate
erotica, or fantasies whilst having sex.
Sometimes, you might
also want to do oral sex to the point of orgasm without penetration.
You may also choose to
do the same position over and over again if it really works for you and your
partner. Why not?
There are countless
ways of having Vanilla Sex, so many ways, in fact, to last a lifetime.
If you’re into Vanilla
Sex, feel proud of it, hold your head high and say: ‘I do Vanilla Sex and it’s
hot!’
© Silva Neves – July
2015
